Things are really starting to pick up now, I'm nervous (no Sh*t Sherlock) but I know I can do this. It is merely a case of being super energised onstage and having a really clear plan of what the journey through the performance is and how I want the audience to come with me and experience it.

Not really any time to write, to busy doing, but reflection time is coming soon...

I'VE GOT IT!!!

People want to see the show and think, What an amazing performer, not she has a lovely quality!
I can do this, but Roberts right, it's all about dynamic range!

(Dis)Organisation

Right, having wasted most of the morning (did get the mailshot off though), now is the time to make a list of what needs done, priorities and allocate all my time between now and the show.

I need to:

Learn how to walk like John Wayne (maybe talk to Bex)
Make a paper swallow badge
Make a paper holster and belt?
Make a paper apron?
Decide whether to draw or cut out images for the Res Expert
Draw/cut out images for the flip chart
Draw out the lettering for song
Practice teaching the song, clarify what I'm gonna say
Fix text for Is this Scotland?
Experiment with coming out of the door more rapidly, different characters, different modes
Edit the explanation text
LEARN LINES!!!!
Clean out the cage and room, takes all extraneous stuff home

Making stuff is a priority. Need to sort out the shed too!!
Need to have the flip chart ready for Roberts tutorial at 5pm.
Work on lines at any given opportunity

Showing comes Home

I feel so much better having shown to an audience today. I forget that most of what I enjoy most is interaction with the audience. Following Andrew's comments in my Arches proposal feedback I think I really need to question this and whether I'm getting a true picture of working a crowd or whether I have had it easy with a crowd that know me. last year I was determined to make a show that could stand alone outwith the course, have I abandoned this idea this year?

It is a really interesting question, about audience, becasue I think part of the thing I have suffered from during this process is relying on other people's opinions. I need to find a new way of generating material and then doing audience experiments after that material is sort of fixed or in its infancy.

Monday Monday Mode

Had some time in Room 1 this morning which allowed me to go through the script and make changes. So I have decided to spend this afternoon with the script, adding all text in, learning lines and making sense of the throughline of the piece.

Problems problems, the only space in the Drama school on thursday is V2 for a couple of hours...I feel like this whole tutorial thing has been botched and despite the fact that I really want to show to Robert, its marred by not having the set, the right size of space. I really need to do a walkround of T4 and get used to the length...how do people who tour their performances get away with this?

Having felt hideously lethargic and guilty over the weekend, and getting up late this morning I feel a lot better for beginning again. Looking at the script makes me realise there is something to work with, to rehearse, to improve. Now I know that I have to be working or at least thinking on it full time until tech time.

Hot and Cold

Finally completed my ground plan and submitted it today...only two days late (sometimes I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants and I don't know anything, and I can't believe I'm even making this show and its all a little too overwhelming!)

School of Drama Open day today...so I sat at the info booth and started to address the mail out envelopes. Nobody has helped me,its too confusing because the mailout list are outdated and mostly missing the addresses. I went to assist Debby at the Question and Answer session and when I came back three people were just standing around. I said, did the mail out get done? They said I didn't understand the instructions, which list did you work from?

ARRRRRGH!

However, got some really positive feedback from the Arches creative residency panel on my failed proposal tonight. It turns out there were 23 applicants, 1 chosen project and four people invited for feedback, so I didn't do too badly considering my proposal was fairly last minute.
The most interesting aspect of the feedback was to focus on my own role within projects or productions, and to shed the language of the course...(this was a little unclear, because they largely liked my writing style but disliked task etc. They seemed to think that the language would become obselete after I graduated and that I just needed to be careful how I described my projects and why I wanted to commit to reworking something that was essentially finished)

Last of the third year showings tonight, I am looking forward to it.
Now I just got to sort out when I'm showing what to whom.

After my marathon day (of practicality, after the first disasterous spell) yesterday I was tired!
Which in some respects follows on to my justification for still being in bed at 10.15am.
Despite my morning in the space, I have not been very good today. I have cleared up the East text, I looked at the beginning and how I get into the North stuff but it's still not finalised
I have realised that the thing with the door needs to be clearer, if I make transformations when I step over its threshold how am I showing these? I haven't set up the convention clearly enough, so I can't break it. This requires a lot more thought, and some experimental before its ready to rehearse! and I'm running out of time.

I STILL CAN'T FIND MY SHOES!!! I am going to look for them again, and then I'm accusing someone of stealing them...

Who needs sleep

Despite having been awake all night and in the Academy, in empty AG12 since 8am I have achieved nothing so far (10.25am).
In the restless dark I felt like I was having breakthrough after breakthrough, so much that I couldn't stop thinking about the show and how wonderful it would be after I changed it this morning. I cursed the fact that I couldn't get into a rehearsal space at 4am, so tried to sleep for another hour.
At 5am I rewrote the whole show, scribbling notes to myself about significant cuts and possible spots for new material.
But when I got to the room this morning, there were no shoes, no door, no stool...just me and the space and I felt sick. Really sick. So I tried to warm up. And I tried to book a room and get my door back and phone people, but it was all too early and too late.
I slept in an easy chair for an hour or so...I gave Chloe a fright when she came in.
I still can't get anybody on the phone...Katie has dissappered. I'm lost.

Actionism into theatricality

I had a half awake vision that I could make my show better if I made it all character based (that is, knew exactly which 'character'/persona did what. I think the actionist thing is like the thing that Grace critised last year about being too earnest. I got somewhere with the fragile scared persona but only cos it was contrasted to the ballsy cabaret performer.
Answer: I must change when I walk through the door. Thats my theatrical convention which can only be broken after its been established. At the moment, its not being established enough.

Spoke to Caro about me teaching the song instead of her...she was more fine about it than I was, cos there was a real reason. She invited me to hang out with Fiona Wright when she takes her around the Scottish music scene. I also suggested we go and see some folk musicians play so I can get to understand what that performance style is...this is IMPORTANT!!!! I must reference them, I need to see live singers and understands the conventions they use in order to properly utilise it in performance. DUh, where has my brain been all this time.

Did costume stripping/dying today. Did the pattern for the paper beard and tried to make the hat. Going to the Academy first thing tomorrow to complete both and finish my technical ryder.
* Need to talk to some professionals about the use of music in venues. If there is no PRS full coverage how expensive is it. What are the rules about adaptation, singing etc. This is v. important for touring Garland/Hoose.

Didn't get a chance to talk to Adrian about confessions...maybe tomorrow. I must also talk to Murray again, and apologise email Ingrid for lack of info on IKEA. (I was so happy at the thought of collaborating with her, that I think I must suggest we explore this at another time. I feel some letter art coming on!)

Finally...saw three solo's from the 3rd years tonight. Meryl, Okan and Lucy. It's difficult to talk about how I feel critically. I'm going to write a personal rant in my private notebook and distill thoughts into a comment on this blog. Lets just say that seeing the work this year made me question where I was at this time last year and where I am now...I know I am a good performer, but I'm worried about my material. How is this work being analysed and graded. How much is taste a factor. And why can't I just believe people when they say its good work, especially as I loved performing Garland last year.

The work shines through

Ok, Friday had a technical tutorial and discussed lighting with Ian. This was nerve wracking but I think it's possible to create what I want. Both Ian and Katie are very amenable (after I spoke to Katie, she told me that she was under the impression that my show was sorted and that she wasn't worried about it in any way! This should have been encouraging, if only I believed in myself.

Saturday, I buy the paint and get the biscuit tin.

Sunday: Good amount of time in AG12, the door is fixed and I really get to grips with how I can move it and become more precise. I feel that the character elements are easier, more fluid and I can really jump in and out of them. I probably need to go even further with this though. Caroline's observation/question was, why does contemporary performance always employ very sloooooow speaking? I felt it was because the text was so deliberate, that every single word had been chosen for meaning, and so needed slow delivery in order to be absorbed by the spectator. However, I thought this also might add to the over serious persona Kate mentioned, that I can't seem to break out of. So I played around with the speed at which I delivered the texts, and considered when I want the persona to be conversational or all about the delivery.

Monday: TUTORIAL day: Was feeling very apprehensive about showing the work today...mainly because this is a more formalised structure, and the closest thing I have to the actual show. I'm still not sure it's any good. I talked to Kate about feeling confused with all the input from different people, and about the fact that I had no clear trajectory as I had for making Garland. I know I made this material but it doesn't feel like mine. I can't seem to back it, in the way that I did with Garland. (I took risks with the style in Garland and I was nervous about how it would be recieved but I essentially believed in it and thats how I came to give the performance of it 100% on the night.)
It was also really difficult to read Katie and Ian's reactions to it. They seemed to follow it, and laugh at certain points...they said they enjoyed it. Does this matter? Do I really want another critical opinion when I feel as though I'm swimming in them? Why do I need affirmation, when I don't believe it when it comes anyway?

Kate was very good today...key points She said she could see I had worked on it, she could see me grappling with what she had given me last week. We talked about taste, and whether she didn't like the singing bits as a taste thing (so I'll ask Robert for a tutorial next week in addition to Kate's to establish if it works for him)
Essentially the material is all valid, but now I need to play with delivery, find even more variance in mode, pace, intensity. I think this is something I will always need to work up to. As a person I appear pretty calm and balanced in my everyday life.
Kate mentioned one thing which I think is really valid. She feels the performance jumps between Actionist performance and heavily dramatic (with a big helping of sentimental over seriousness even still...I need to get rid of this or make more of it, send it up perhaps). She says she's confused by this. It sounds confusing...I feel like this is my twin personality thing and would ideally like to keep both elements in the show, perhaps just finding a way of transitioning between the two. Do I have to choose? Do I have to commit to one for this show, and see where it takes me, knowing that I can use the other one another time? Things to think about.

I know I need to talk to Robert, I'm slightly worried he is going to call me on loads of things I haven't considered, but this can do nothing but good for furthering the performance. It's better I look a little stupid in a one one one tutorial than in front of a full house at Tramway.

Onward, feeling a lot better, at least Kate knows I'm trying.

Hard spot

Following Tuesday's wake up call tutorial I spent Wednesday writing structures and examining my material.
Today I have been trying out the structure I wrote and it looks like I have about 35 minutes of material which follow on and build into something.
Caroline came to observe part of the run...and she also questioned the same thing that Kate questioned...Am I going for slow and measured (read largely boring). Caro reckoned she was questioning everything because I seem so low in confidence. I'm just not sure of the material, I can't break out of this mode. Dorothy pointed out that I felt this way last year about Garland and it was a big success!
I need to get the wheels, latch and handle on the door fixed up before I can go much further with rehearsing the movement sequences.
There was reference to Aine Phillips and Donna Rutherford in my tutorial so I'm going to look again at their work and figure out where i sit.
I'm also typing up all my written texts so I can start to get them off paper and experiment with supping them up.
Arrrgh, am I always this underconfident in my ability?

The penny dro-o-o-o-ps

Finally, I've got it. I've figured out what I'm doing! I'm making a show, which will be seen by important people, and my friends and family, and the examiners in exactly 3 weeks time!!

So I had better get my arse into gear, stop floundering around, splitting focus and Keep It Simple Stupid!

I'm not a live artist! At least not in this project. I need to make a theatrical show which is sophisticated, engaging on many levels and employs both my humour and pathos for the human condition.

Christ! Sounds easy, but it's not. At least now I have something clear to aim for.

I drove all night...

I'm a bit hacked off that I don't know how to change the clock device on this blog.

I blogged last night, just before I left the building. I definately left the building at 7.15pm (after a false start at 7pm, i realised I was foolish not to use the academy toilet before I began). I finished off the 12 hour task at 7.15am at Central Station with a coffee from Upper Crust (the receipt says 7.12am so I must have sat down at 7.14am to watch the last minute go by.

Catalouge of events as I can remember them:
7.15pm - 8pm Walked down hope street onto Sauchie going left. The first 35 minutes were spent sat on the Concert Hall steps (I wanted to rest and I wanted to go home - it was very cold). I set myself the challenge of sitting there until the beggar behind me left. I read my book (Not Buying It - Judith Levine) to the strains of 'Spare a little change- for a cup of tea'. I noticed that he didn't really annunciate...at one point he shouted at someone, in retrospect it might have been me. When the concert had all but gone in, he came to speak to me, saying he had thought he knew me and that I was beautiful. We had a conversation, he asked me for change ( I never give change out), asked if I was waiting for my boyfriend, what was I reading? He told me he stays at Queens Park Hostel, I said I knew it. He told me how depressing and boring it was, full of drug addicts. Then he told me his story...been homeless since he was sixteen, since his mother died. His brother is a heroine addict and he hasn't seen his sister for about a year. He thinks he needs more support to get out of the hostel, he says its depressing that people come and go, a day a week into a furnished flat. I ask him why doesn't he sell the big issue, he does but he doesn't have a night time pass ( we talk about the big issue, I tell him I like reading it). He tells me he has made 3 or 4 pounds, enough for a couple of burgers, maybe a can of lager. But as soon as I think we might be having a real conversation, he tells me he hopes I have a good night, that my boyfriend comes soon. He shakes my hand, worries about it being cold, tells me to get a cup of tea. As a parting shot he says 'if you have any trouble...' I say 'what?' I think he is going to offer his protection services, he says 'Call somebody, anyone who'll help you'. It's a wee bit awkward, I laugh inside, wondering who I would call...I come to no conclusion. I feel a bit vulnerable...I don't, however, feel like what I'm doing tonight is wrong though. I don't feel guilty, it is my choice.
I move on when I hear someone reference me and my book. I think, reading is not blending in, and its also distancing me from my task. I pack up, feeling like a student and head down Buchanan Street. I look in all the windows, I am moving very slowly even though I'm cold.

8-9.20pm I walk along Argyle street. I see a Tesco Express that is new (to me anyway). Despite the fact it is so early I go inside, look at everything afresh, wonder if the security gard knows I'm different to normal. I take my time over purchase decisions. I spend too much time hovering by an instant coffee machine, stir my hot chocolate over and over even when I realise there is a staff member waiting to use the machine. I'm slow, I feel vulnerable. The guy offers help when I can't fix my lid on with one hand. I refuse to self scan, even though the security gard offers to hepl me. I want to have my transaction handled by a person. I take a carrier bag, my rucsac is quite full. It advertises recycling, I don't realise until later. I leave the store, men walk by and look at me. I go over the pedestrian bridge at Anderston train station. Up to St Vincent street and west...notice I don't know where Argyle street starts again. I need to go to the toilet, pass pubs and think about what I want to do. I'm not too aware of my surroundings...I focus on the Byres Rd, thinking I'll go to Tinderbox, fake looking for a friend and then slip downstairs to the toilet. The shop is busy despite the late hour. I sit in the toilet, my phone is full of messages so I delete some and a message from Dad comes through.
Hi. Ok. Dad
I send a reply,
Am i ok?or ok as a response to a question i dont remember askin?I'm fine,i love you and i'll call,maybe wed?hope ur ok?love Helen*G's birthday was brill!
the reply comes back
Good
I feel a bit guilty at this point. They would go spare if they knew what I was doing, contemplating (I still don't know if I'm going through with it yet). The weird thing that upset's me a little is that I don't think they would understand. I'll probably confess later and see what the reaction is. I again feel vulnerable. I think that I would probably call Peter cos I told him and Tom what I was intending to do.
I have spent approx 20 minutes in Tinderbox toilets. I leave without by-as-you-leave, I think I'm reading a text message, maybe that message is from my imaginery friend to say she is not in Tinderbox, I don't really care anymore, the pretence is not important to anyone else.

It's worth noting that the nearer I get to my house, the more I just want to give up. What is this acheiving, really. Am I in danger? Will my process be different if I don't pull off this task? but I push through, remembering what James said in my tutorial. 'It's hard work', I have to try a little harder. I want a different feeling for tomorrow.

9.35pm-10.45pm I'm intending to walk up G Western Rd, but I am enticed up a side street by it's name, Observatory Road. I think I can see the Observatory, but it turns out to be Hillhead Kelvin Parish Church. They have an accesible bench which I think I might come back to, then I see some cloth sacking in an alcove doorway and I wonder if other homeless people sleep here? I move on because it would be awful if someone from Church of Scotland came out and took pity on me...I'm not homeless, should I show my student card, explain? How would I explain?
I don't see the observatory, but the houses up here are wonderful. It's the perfect time to go past, I covet the large regency and Victorian rooms, the bold wall paint, the ceiling mouldings, the twisting staircases but mostly the warmth of domestic lighting. It's a real windows in the west moment, and I wonder if anybody who lives here was ever poor, would ever put themselves in my situation (my real situation or my imposed one). I feel jealous and I do want to live here. I review my opinion of the West End. I succumb to the dream, maybe I'll make a lot of money, forgoe my principles etc etc. Then I remember that I would probably hate my neighbours, couldn't abide keeping up with the Rhys-Joneses and it aint never gonna happen darlin'.
I get back onto G Western, passing a beautiful Art Noveau house with a door that would look totally at home in Ixelles, Belgium. I walk past the turn for Sadah's house, register the fat I have never walked much beyond here, start taking in details. I walk almost up to the hospital, but then realise they have no Accident and Emergency so I look a bit suspicious as the hospital is closed. I contemplate trying to spend a night in a hospital waiting room without faking some illness/injury. Another evening.
I walk over Anniesland Cross, the traffic is still pretty busy. I stop to look in a few estate agents, try to make sense of the asking prices...some places seem reasonable compared to others and then I think I am confused by the comma placing. I look back to the street and realise I have been dazzled by the bright halogen light. I get used to the dark and plod on. I pass a Wetherspoons, a refurb Art Deco building and I realise they are on 'Fifth Avenue' I smile.

10.45pm-12.40am I veer left into MacDonalds. I'm cold and despite the fact I have food in my carrier bag I like the idea of hot food and a warm place to sit for a while. It's advertised as open til midnight. I buy a cheeseburger, have some water and sit for a while with my book. A guy outside seems to be throwing a full paper cup of drink at his ?girlfriend?. I feel a bit safer in here, the music is pop but I quite like it. An indie ballad plays, something about a girl called Rosie? Then a girl starts cleaning, sweeping, the lights go on and off. I ask 'Are you closing?', they are only open til 11pm, the drivethru operates til midnight. I don't even go to the toilet, the door is promptly locked behind me, I wonder if they think I'm mad...she buys a single cheeseburger, asks for a receipt and then looks set fare to sit all night long. I consider a coverstory should someone ask, I'm locked out of my flat, my flatmate is working till 1am then I can go home...but no-one asks, no-one comments, no-one cares?
I walk a little further up G Western then think about whether I will make it back if I continue. I'm at 1870, I turn round a little beyond Knightswood First bus Depot. All the way I need to pee, I think of Brian as I pass the turn to Bearsden and pass BJ's (I have a vague recolletion he may have had a party there? Or joked about a party there?).
I'm really desperate for the toilet by my old bustop at Hyndland, I chuckle to myself when I think of telling Peter (who told me not to go in the park) that I went in the park. Or that I went down to the river to pee. I'm so aware of the fact that the greenery is all people's gardens here...not for the first time I lament the city centre custom of peeing down alleys does not extend to anywhere else. A guy stands at my old busstop otherwise I would have nipped into the shrubs there. I walk past various holes in the shrubbery and then decide I can't wait any longer. The traffic has temporarily stopped. I jump up the wall and hide behind a bush, all the while keeping an eye on the traffic and hoping for the absence of pedestrians. Phew.
I sit for 20 minutes at the bustop before the hotel. I'm reading again, I need a distraction. I vow to move on once the woman at the busstop opposite catches her bus. Sometimes I keep an eye out for a bus coming my way, I might catch it, who knows. I think about these metal benches being designed to deter homeless people from sleeping on them (Lucy of Project Close told me that...I wonder if it's true?). I get used to the whirr of the rotating advertisements. I like the warm yellow glow that comes off the Nambarrie advert, and I despise the woman who represents anti-aging. A 20 passes the woman on the otherside, it's not her bus, she waits a further 5 minutes and then flags a taxi. I finish my paragraph on page 107, and move on. By this stage, I'm freezing...and I'm so close to home...would it be cheating to get some things from the bedsit? OK, I'm probably being really stupid if I think I can stay out all night without even a jumper under my jacket. I set myself a limit on the time I can be in the flat. I think about what I need for the night and for the next day at the Academy. It still feels a little weird to put the key in the door.

12.40am-1.30am I repack my bag, add jumper scarf and gloves and then change my pink parka for my heavier longer parka. 5 minutes down. I grab the grey blanket from my bed, decide against the sleeping bag, and sit down for the remaining 3 minutes of the 10 minute deadline.
I feel rejuvinated by the 10 minute respite, my room which always seems so cold, is home compared to outside.
Then I head off towards the university, grabbing some cardboard from an open binbag on Hillhead street.
The walk is familiar, almost like going to college or walking home from work. My right leg hurts a bit from walking so far in thin soled shoes. I relish the bounce of my worn out work trainers.
I am going to college, I remember on the night of Cardboard Citz one of the spectactors saying to Terry that he sometimes dossed on the balcony of the RSAMD. I think I can feel a little rain in the air. At least the balcony is sheltered from view. I had considered a bench in Garnethill park but i don't want to be exposed (to weather or attention). I see a police car stopped on the side of the road and wonder (again) if I look different tonight than I do most nights. I feel different. I feel like I am surviving. I can almost understand the slowness, the quietness of speech from the original homeless guy i met on the steps. I'm not confident I'll manage, I don't want to draw attention to myself, I just want to see this simple night through.

1.30am - 6.40am
I actually got some sleep?!! As Kevin put it, I saw every hour on the clock but I did sleep. It was weird to say the least. I got to the Academy at 1.30am, wrapped up in blanket and sat on cardboard. I made up a ham sandwich but I couldn't even finish cause I was so exhausted. I lay down, head rested on my rucsac and I woke again, with a start at maybe 2am. Then I had an hour till 3.05am. I awoke needing to go to the toilet again...risked leaving my food and blanket, and furtively left the steps and went between two bins on renfrew lane outside Roseby's loading door. On the way back I stopped at the Savoy Centre bus stop for a taxi to clear the lights. I don't know why I felt so furtive, I guess I just thought the quieter I am, the less questions asked.
At this stage I really didn't know if I wanted to continue. It's so banal, I just wanted to sleep but wasn't sure if i could anymore. I wished there had been more light so I could read or write some notes, but then i was grateful for the darkness and peace it brought. No-one else was dossing tonight, it would have been sucha different experience if someone else had been there. I had moments of panic when I thought someone looked like they were going to come up, or people went by shouting.
Ate the rest of the sandwich and dozed sitting up right. Now my left leg started to hurt with the cramp of holding my body up, so I lay down one final time at about 5am. I was having the most amazing imaginative dreams (working in a venue where a projector went on fire and I had to make a decision whether a red handled fire extinguisher would do or whether i should leave it to the professionals, then something about flying/cruising on a first class boat. Really exotic). When I woke, cold and in pain, it was 6.35am and the town was starting to get busy. More buses, M and S loading bay in full swing. I realised that a street sweeper was cleaning the steps and so I hid behind the sculpture plinth I had been resting against. (Again, I don't know why, but I thought I might get into trouble, that he might tell the Academy...are the Academy steps private property, should he even have been cleaning them?). He got closer and closer, I thought he might have seen me peeping out...then he was talking to someone, one of the cleaners? (oh no, maybe they do come in before we are open which sabotages Thursday nights plan) and I just calmly descended the steps not looking back. When I crossed the road I could see the shutter was still down. I headed for Central station for some warmth, refuge from the now heavy rain and a coffee.

6.40am - 8am
As I approached Central, the main gate was closed and I was horrified that my last minutes were going to be outside. Luckily the other gate was open, of course. This was prime commuter time. I headed straight for the toilet, slowly finding a 20p piece and then dropping it when it was returned. The guy in the toilets let me through the disabled entrance so I didn't even have to pay. I sat in the left end cubicle, with my jacket leaving puddles on the floor. I felt relieved (that i could be so vulnerable in private rather than public). It struck me that people who sleep rough never get the freedom of wearing Pajamas, always sleeping in their clothes for warmth. I like to wear loose clothing or none in bed, to let my skin breathe. How awful would it be to wear the same clothes for a week or more, even 2 days is hard on my body, I know I smell, I will want to shower when I eventually get home.
I scrabbled around in my purse for enough money for coffee. I could only afford filter, and this made me feel vulnerable again (which is daft cos I could have easily taken money from the stations cash point, but i didn't want to spend anymore).
When I sat on a bench I realised I had 3 minutes to go until 7.15am. I watched the clock and then sat alternetively observing people and reading a metro. I was relieved!

8am - 8.15am
On my way into the Academy, I saw the street sweeper standing under the Savoy bridge. He looked at me too and I wondered if he recognised me. As I rushed in the front door (as I always do, glancing at the clock on the right), it felt different. I said morning to Jim at Client Services and considered the fact he might know I slept rough right on the doorstep. Would it be recorded on CCTV? Did the street sweeper tip him the wink. If he didn't know and I told him, would he be surprised. Would he even care? More than my parents, I don't think he would understand.

Get Out!

OK, so I haven't posted all week, I have been writing down thoughts and feelings in a notebook cos I haven't been near a computer. I really am trying to keep an honest time based journal but it's very difficult for me to do anything everyday, I lack the ability to follow a routine.

I have a lot to catch up on, have been through the hardest couple of days in terms of making. Am having a really wastelful day today...my production meeting was a farce, my design tutorial was better but James gave me a lot to think about outwith the idea of 'design'. I feel wretched, having totally taken the weekend off, slept a lot of yesterday so I'm all about the action even though I really wana go home right now and chill out.

So instead of catching up on these difficult times...I'm going outside for the night, and will sleep in the Academy tomorrow morning before my tutorial at 2. I said I wanted to experience living outside so it's a step to something. I hope the experience will feed into my observations and material.

See you on the other side

Winterschool FIN Begin Again

Exellent end to winterschool
Ending and beginning
gig rehearsal went really well think it's gonna be great
Did some work on the West text
Fabulous meeting with Katie, shed great, using baby belling, tab track and set no problem, no toilet in props but Katie has just had her bathroom done so we have a toilet
Gotta source some stuff tonite and figure out where to get free or cheap off cuts of carpet/lino

Stuff to do, gotta go, must get an early nite for tomorrow

H

Badness, forgetting and split focus

It's important to document at this time I'm finding it hard to balance everything and have largely put my solo performance process aside as I grapple with my Winterschool tasks, arches proposal and the electro acoustic gig performance.
Without trying to justify that, I'm hoping that a little mental space is also a valid way of working. I think I'm definately worried about my showing at my hour long tutorial on Tuesday, and that my project is on my mind, especially subconsciously...I lay half awake for two hours on Wednesday night exploring ideas in a stream of conciousness style. I was flitting around the idea of installation, inspired by both Ernst Fischer and Hancock and Kelly. By the time I could really rest, I had settled on an installation idea for my garden shed, predominantly featuring the texts I don't want to clutter my show but a very important to process and might be very beautiful with a little editing.
I have set myself the Automatic writing task as a reaction to panicking about writing last year during the Garland process. I will start on 20 minutes a day, with different starting thoughts, and work up to 30 and 45 minutes in the coming weeks. I think I need to set up a formal space and time in which to do this to find rhythm and routine. I'm determined to examine this idea of routine and explore it untill I can find some sort of routine I can maintain (or at least explore untill I can rule routine out of my working practice).

In the circle of everything being connected, routine is something I rail against (naturally or subconciously?) and routine is very much part of stability and home. Perhaps this is why I need to move on, feel restless, haven't found this elusive quality of peace yet?

I have to go, spend at least four hours on my making task for my final day of Winter School now.
WS has been a circular distraction, an opportunity to unwind, feed different parts of my creative psyche, and yet it's part of my process so intertwined with my performance making. I have been able to let go of the worry that I'm wasting time at points. In some respects I have been the most focused and present in the now ever in my RSAMD career. I'm a bit more chilled out compared to last year, I know this week is for the greater good of my performance training and it has been really intresting and informative. I have taken real pleasure in some of the tasks. I very much like Andrew and Julia, their teaching style is relaxed and humane.

Show me the way to go home...

...I'm tired and I wana go to bed.

Another great day in workshop today.
Thoughts to take away;
1. Is juxtaposition cliched? If I create some juxtaposed images in my show with these new found skills/muscles (like me reading a text about smashing furniture and throwing from a 6th story window with the quality of a Home TV presenter), will this look niaeve? I guess it depends on how processed it is.
2. Can I spend some time really thinking about score and structure of the work? YES, shall I aim to do this on the weekend, along with majorly updating my timetable for the remaining weeks. This is a MUST!
3. Perhaps I can spend some time looking, listening and exploring the objects I'm already using. When I examined my coat and shoes today, I realised that I haven't really investigated their qualities, only considered what they might project as a costume/image.
4. Costume is a MASSIVE signifier (See NRLA Saturday blog). It is so important to get right, I think this workshop is going to help me learn about costume and exercises to use costume but I need to be clearer about what I'm trying to create in my work.

Looked over the old Into The New brochures...think I might highlight Matt's blurb as text which is important to me. See page 6 on the following http://www.rsamd.ac.uk/drama/pdf/into_the_new_2004.pdf
Also the Polish performance artist Wladyslaw Kazmierczak considers a performer to be
'a philosopher, teacher, rebel, initiator, organiser, nomad, traveller, partner, and a bearer of moral values. And characterises the struggle of the work as ...a silent, heroic fight for freedom of
expressing momentous and significant ideas.'

Hitting the sack early now, going home, in case I get ill.

Winter Wonderland

Started my fabulous winterschool workshop today...so much to document.
I feel very excited about the injection of new methodology/exercises/ideas/art into my practice.

Some of the key things that were examined today were:
* How we get away from describing the source of a sound and use language to describe the sound, get a handle on it (I think of describing source as a short-cut to understanding, knowing that maybe the other person has a completely different idea of what an air conditioning unit or a chair sound like but we agree that we are in the same field.)
* How to get a fresh perspective on performing actions...Julia gave us some great little exercises to explore status, and we did some group work which was largely the same exercise for three groups but with a fresh motivatation (like intellect, feelings, and will)
* Using objects to explore characterisation/persona. Taking on some of the qualities of an object in a basic task like having a conversation. (Julia mentioned the idea of this being like exercising a muscle or practicing an instrument, that the more you practised this, the more it could be used in all sorts of sticky situations- not just in performance)

They showed and played some of their work and had conversations about their influences and areas of practice/concern. I love the theatricality of Julia's performance...she is a technical master as well, branching out into film, editing etc.

I stated some of my influences were Opera Circus's King Stag performance, the film work of Jean-Pierre Jeunet and surrealism/dadaism occupying more than one discipline - the epherera of their performances and the objects/traces left behind.

More tomorrrow, possibly relevant reflection comments too

So much to think about

Just taking a window of time to dump thoughts as I have been dumping photos from my camera. I have about 5 minutes, and three sups of coffee left, and I should be at Tramway already!

Good chat with Fraser Gilmour - re Drag acts, devising burlesque shows and thinking about showmanship. There was an event at the Tron called Lazy Caberet - look into

Gomez Pena is god! Need to think about all the images, thoughts, cultural and sexual statements - but jeez, whit a performer

Got some clarity on Anthony Schrag's/It's Not Hard point of view of live art - vs. our understanding

Have seen some amazing work, lots of female solo's and some real theatrical strands. Have seen everything in T4, which is helping me think about designing the space, and inspiring me...

Need to look up the work of the High Heel sisters, Jimmy Durham, Silvia Ziranek, Marcia Farquar and Rajni Shah...particularly good talk from Andre Stitt, re his Cardiff gallery/space Trace > look up www.tracegallery.com

Nope, ran outta time, gotta go,

Saturday NRLA

In performance where every detail is combed for meaning, it’s interesting to observe expression outside the performing arena. Is it costume that’s sported? Alternative modes of fashion, hair sculpture, body modification. Life and art are interchangeable; artists express at pedestrian level too.

Bizarrely, there is still proliferation of black. It throws bright blue sweat-shirts, red retro-cut coats, yellow sling bags into relief. Is it easy to make a bold statement here? Maybe it’s easier because you are among friends, friendly artists. The live art community support anyone who is on the edge, even if you are on the edge of the fashion precipice!

Installations happen throughout the building:

* Black T-shirt impregnated with hundreds of safety-pins charting the spine

* Ziranek maintains her place as British eccentric and long serving pink performance artist, with baubles and bangles galore

* Emerald green shoes clip past (perhaps this is the way to change perspective on the world? I wanted to lie on the floor, watch their progress)

Some expressive outfits may have been obscured by the necessity to wrap up warm. Even I made provision for the weather, having skipped around in my mini-dress yesterday, I wore hat throughout Sat.

NRLA Wednesday

It's here! Festival time! Last night was the beginning of the multi-venue maxi-event NRLA 2007.
I'm making lists to document key events, images etc...Here’s Wednesday:

* Best Costume/Attire: Charlotte Engelkes; Very Miss Wagner began in a floor length red velvet opera dress which later was attached to an overhead hook. On pulling the rope, she doesn't 'fly' or reveal her knickers, but unsheathes a slinky red velvet evening dress underneath!
* Best Image: Hancock and Kelly, Project Room; How can a naked woman hugging a dead pig in a greenhouse be so enchanting? The simplicity and clarity, the 'liveness' and vulnerability (Kelly's foot shakes slightly) make for compelling viewing.
* Best Surprise: Gwendoline Robin; After literally starting the NRLA with a bang, Robin turned her back to the audience, wading through billowing smoke, only for a further firework to gently back-fire from her body...accidental or comic timing genius?
* Best Chill-out Space: T2: Despite Actionist work being unpredictable, I found moments of calm in watching Black Market International...in particular the progress of the performer with a black sports bag over his head...slow and meditative, I felt comfortable sitting and focusing on his individual performance.

More please...

No Time

...Showings today...lots to report but no time as I'm off to see the cardboard citz in action NOW!
I have some interesting observations which will be posted as comments on today's blog!

PS Olivia is homeward bound! JOY!

NRLA and Modality

Getting really excited about an injection of new inspiration into my practice...that is, showings of fourth and third year work, Cardboard Citizens in collab with the Simon Community showing work on Monday night, debate with the Citz on Tuesday, Noisy Tuesday, a particularly interesting lecture on (amongst other things) modality and the paradox of talking about performance practice and MOST IMPORTANTLY, NRLA!

I have a lot of research to do...I want to be really clued up on the artists performing and have lots of information about who would be useful to speak to. In particular I notice that Rajni Shah looks quite interesting. She is combining curation and producing with being a maker/artist and her website features haunting images, well developed performance text/descriptions and excellent examples of documentation. See here http://www.rajnishah.com/. She also is an associate artist at Chisendale Dance space and used to programme Farmham Maltings, where Jess and Tashi have performed as Glas(s) Performance. maybe they will introduce me?

I'm keen to speak with Marcia Farquar, especially as I'm going to miss her work (it comes right before Lisa's). I think that her blurb and show premise is really close to ideas I have, and I wish I could see her performance in order to process her aesthetic and means of performance articulation.

Need to type up those notes from Roberts lecture...this kind of critical theory may really underpin the way I can present and talk about the work and my making proesses. What was totally reassuring was that I understood most of what was being said and that I have engaged in structuring exercises such as mapping or graphing performance in my Garland process. Now I can really get to grips with how i am making, and assess it in order to better my work.

ARTICULATION is the word of the day. Until now I have thought about it meaning how I am able to express ideas and speech. About how speech comes from my mouth and whether it is competent or not. Robert compared it to the articulation of joints, or a artic. lorry - i.e How things are joined, how they attach and therefore impact on each other. If we think of everything flowing, attched to each other and having a wholistic impression, how do we combine fragments of performance matter so that they make sense (or not) as a whole. OOh, exciting!

It's a new month- Its a new you

Things aren't going quite as I had planned...the character stuff has melted into my word poems and an examination of performing scots accents and dialects.
I think I need to enlist some help for extreme character generation. I need to find some acting books and perhaps get someone in to help. I wonder if anyone else in the class is interested in creating Tarantula sized characters for their show - maybe Brian and Roxy. I can but ask. I'm really hoping that winterschool is going to feed in and send me reeling in an interesting direction.

I had my space-time today...shared with Caroline and she made some interesting observations about my performance (who was the Skye Boat Song character - what accent. Because I pronounced 'to' in a really english way. I am gearing myself up facially for the high notes, which is at odd with my 'blank' expression for the rest of the song. The North Text is long but there is development so it's okay. She want to get a feeling of what South and East might be, even if it's not finished).

I found out that I really like dancing in my green heels. I was listening to Track 1, of the Forgotten Arm (aimee Man) and trying to get a dancefloor ballroom feel (it really reminded me of my Uncle Jack and how good a dancer he was - he attended the Jack Diamond School of Dancing in Glasgow, and danced my very impressed Grandma around my parents wedding reception!)

Gary and I played with show images. I sang a little...I need to be more prepared when I go into the space I think. (Do I, yes probably, all that off the cuff stuff can still come out in lost moments but I need to utilise my time better, make more of the space)

Got my two dresses from Wardrobe. Requested the flat pack shed. Established the tab track wont have a cost implication (need to make decisions about how that will work, the full reveal or three stages? Go for this, even though its complicated to perform/control!)

Rush

Admin, events team meet - frustration (and the re-dawning remembring of if you ask someone their opinion you have to at least listen to their answer...I never really learnt that)

The house mail box is up! Now need to compose an email to ALLSTUDS

Off to interview Sadah on home now, then devise some character tasks for tomorrows rehearsal time. Wardrobe meet at 10am tomorrow. Caro is coming in at 12noon to observe/feed into, then I gotta take some pics for the show...last minute Annie!

Too Many Things

Had a reasonably good day in the space today...the pressure of doing one thing per day is enough I think. It is super difficult to assess where I'm at in terms of process/material making. I think I'm behind, but am determined not to beat myself up about it. If I'm honest I'm not working as hard as I should, but I will redouble my efforts to create as well as think about stuff.

I'm buzzing with ideas, creative juices are flowing. I must:
1. Go to the Art School library and look at the books/dissertations that I sourced the other day
2. Start thinking about relevant artists (Moda residents, Ambramovich and Teching Hseih) so that I can place my work and be inspired by/create tasks from their work and be influenced by their thinking. I hope this will allow me to go beyond the obvious cliches of my own limited research.
3. Consider this story thing...the stories people can tell of home...translated into texts (obvious but a place to start perhaps). Wednesday is my first interview, with Sadah.
4. Get that house mail box up before the course meet so that I can make an announcement! People, please leave observations, annecdotes, definitions, words or pictures regarding the subject of home in my mail box. Fank oo!
5. The door...exercises around it.
6. Lets try these characterisations...if they are god awful then they can be binned before anyone can see them...if they are alright they can be worked up for performance...but I have to begin somewhere...maybe write some texts as a way in...costume
7. Some immediate durational performances that challenge my own understanding of living? Permission to be in a toilet cubicle for a day...childhood thought of staying locked in that small place with everything I need...eating in the toilet and the social unease...people being able to sit in the cubicle next to me and ask me questions, talk to me about space etc. Consider the tent and living outside. It's dangerous territory but a cardboard box? Can I sleep overnight in the Academy? Walking all night in the city.
8. Work up South and East texts...contact Ros about accents and voice inflections (email sent 30th Jan). get into the inflections and cite real voices rather than imagined/your own versions
9. Record the relevant people saying the texts to work on accents and personal character voices.

Kate said today that she wants to see the questioning of home in my piece. My particular statement of, 'If I can just find out what it is, then maybe I can get it!' is what is interesting to her. I'm also infatuated with the idea of North South East and West as being other to where I'm at. Everything else is directional and relevant to my global positioning...I'm just where I'm at, maybe I'll be somewhere else tomorrow but everything else is something I can only get at! Maybe home is where I lay my hat, home is the ground I occupy...do I want to occupy more space, or less. (Previously my aesthetic for Garland was to create a small intimate space in a large space...because I was afraid of tiny little me not being able to cover the distance. Tramway 4 is such a distinct long space, I need to think about how I use it).

Action Smaction...Traction, there is a lovely word

H*

IKEA

Doing my administration today. After a long time I could finally send off my winterschool application and Ikea letter to Debby.

I'm excited to hear from IKEA. There is something fascinating about these show areas which are so close to houses but are not populated. It is easy for the customer to imagine themselves completing household tasks, and yet most people content themselves with sitting in a chair or just touching the desk. As a child I was always playing ‘cooking’ in the B&Q kitchen showroom…now I have IKEA, I’m more refined and keen to get permission from the relevant people.

The gap between living and performing living. Consciousness and the everyday. Essentially this piece will be performed. Should I attempt to forget they are watching me...the duration may help but I'm guessing that I will be conscious and unconscious and self concious in waves of awareness.

Progress?

I was in the space for four hours this morning and I managed to keep myself busy and created some new material. So perhaps Nic was right about the need to be in the studio groaning.
In particular Roberts advice to begin with obvious things and then problematize them helps too. Had Lisa in to see some progress, she said that I was onto something. I think in future I will stop explaining what the piece is about before I show any material...Its a bit too confusing to explain something I haven't done (magazine characters) and then show abstracted extras.
I'm really thinking about tones and how to create multilayered material. I feel good as though I'm on track and will vow to try and make SOMEthing every weekday from now untill the Bardsley/Poppy winterschool.

Am in the new CCA artists resource centre, using the free internet and it's a good feeling to be existing out of the RSAMD building. This space will come in handy and should be explored further. Also recieved an email from Shoal of Mackrel publishing house for a call for submissions. Perhaps I will put a submission in, and worry about funding the book only if my proposal is considered. Must contact Helen Shaddock at the Art School.

I Made My Family Dissappear!

Came back to an empty house last night. I was by myself for about 5 hours and although at first I took joy in being able to stand on the furniture, sing at the top of my voice and watch music TV by 10pm I was restless and missed my parents to distraction. The house just doesn't feel right without them, a shell full of objects that I haven't looked at properly for years...or perhaps forever. I had forgotten the little wooden house box that sits in the sitting room cabinet...my birth tankard, the glass rabbit. I hate ornaments and yet I wouldn't be without my Buddha and my yin yang vases, ornaments remind me of my grandparents and their varying collection of memorabillia. What about Mary's stone eggs and a bowl of mint imperials. Will I ever stop being so personally sentimental?

Home is comfort, shelter from more than just the weather. A place to keep the things that you think are important, whether they have monetary value or not. So why not a car, a tent, a cardboard box? Too open, too impermanent? My (nomadic) existence is largely impermanent. I crave things, I want to keep anything that carries memories...what can you do when you have too many memories for your brain? You need somewhere to store them. I need an external hard drive.

A change is as good as a rest

I'm back. I'm back on Track. I'm back and the sun was splitting the trees (see photos from Pretwick to Central journey).
I'm glad to be back, I'm glad to come home, I'm glad that I can see a potential home somewhere else.
But, what I mean is I'm back physically, I'm back on track mentally. The art can start splitting the trees.

Nic gave me some really good advice today.
Sometimes you need to be in the studio groaning.
And sometimes you need to take time out.
Don't be precious about your ideas, just do them as the come to you otherwise you'll loose them or you'll work on them too late and they won't be ready (to standard) for the show. ACTION is the name of the game (my own advice to myself).
If your stuck 1) Ask someone to come in, that'll spur you on or 2) Ask for input, instructions or tasks
Don't label or judge what you you are doing. You are probably making, just not 'performance'. As long as you are doing something...and even if you aren't don't beat yourself up too much about it.

So, INTO aCtIoN!

Scheduling

Now is my time to get organised. Following good advice from Kate, I have spent today printing up timetabled schedules and I have booked more room time with scheduled time to plan areas of exploration and interest.
I have also decided to have questions attached to the weeks process. This was inspired by Chloe's learning questions that she tackled during her placement. Also similar to the learning questions that frame a workshop proccess, I think these can frame what I'm making and doing and allow me to see the big picture.
Kate seems excited by my area of research and is pleased with my blurb, I know now it's about actually committing to research, time in the space and pushing some of my original ideas. Action is the name of the game...in the previous solo process I felt like I spent a lot of time writing, sitting at a desk. I'm happy to embrace that side of my creativity. However, as Grace highlighted, i need to find ways of tricking myself into uncomfortable areas...thats where I can grow. SayJay used to create from Images. I might note some images down and try that. There are also objects, music, choreography and characters. How can I feel at home in the Academy and how can I feel alien?

Just deleted most of my weekend catch up/theory of Home as a series of bad habits/Moonlight Mile sentiment and details of what I did in rehearsal today.

I'm as fed up as I was when I didn't do my blog on the weekend!

Catch up tomorrow - I need to go home

Photo Derive

Had a great tutorial with Grace and Kate today. They seem pleased with my plan of action and fed in some interesting comments, area to explore etc.
One I'm quite excited about is territory and how territories are marked. I have a lot of work to do, and I need to get disciplined!

Going home for the weekend - base camp for major clear out, and some quality time updating my new work network and myspace pages.

**Idea for today. Go for a derive, a photo walk. Try and figure out what it is about Glasgow that makes me feel at home. End up up the Arches to pick up my bike then work on some texts, images etc in the room, 6 til 9pm

Tidy like

I am playing little Suzy Homemaker (whoever she is). Having laid out everything at right angles on my dressing table, and spent major time and thought on the best place for each foodstuff and cooking utensil, I'm happy with my new home.

I'm having my first tea party this afternoon.

Had a thought last night, that
a) I might think of a mini performance idea for each day and create a catalogue of moments. Yesterday's idea was the biodegradable carrier bag on a coathanger with dated reciept (plastic, metal, and paper, or mixed media)
b) I might be the new David Shrigely. *Idea: Making a book and leaving copies with shelf references in libraries. I like his irreverent humour and bad drawing.

No Time, I'm on the move

Guilt and Unrest

Feeling a bit guilty about the last post. It is Julia's space, and I spent time complaining to her about Chris tidying me up all the time. They were doing me a favour allowing me to stay in their space...I just got used to being in the flat on my own. Heaven help me if I do move to my parents house after 6 months of absolutely my own space. I think I'm going to like living on my own, perhaps a little too much!
Took some of my things to the flat last night, and discovered that they have given me the wrong keys! Waaa! Still homeless, living outta suitcase...I feel like I smell.
Gonna call the landlords now, get the keys sorted out and then maybe I can go back to Dunfermline for Tuesday and Wednesday day.
Term started today - we did this weeks room allocation so I have untill Friday to come up with a plan for some practical exercises to use in my space. I think I might buy a Wendy House and video myself putting it together (I can always take it back once I dismantle it). There is definately something in building and construction.

* Idea: For title and style of performance: Hoose and Hame Magazine. Using the style (Rrrrr, Standard Grade Drama!) of Drama Documentary, creating episodic 'articles' (can feature characters) about homemaking, the notion of Home, homelessness, Home affairs etc
NB: It might be better to just title the piece 'Hoose and Hame' as it is more vague and generic

Off into Action,
Same time tomorrow? Probably not.

Missed

Went out last nite and didn't get a chance to post because I stayed way longer than I should have.

Feeling like an alien in Striven Gardens today, as Julia is back and moving all the (my) stuff around. She is barely speaking to me, I don't know if she's pissed off cos I put stuff of hers away. I even feel wierd typing this while she is around. Thank god I've got my own place. I sometimes think I don't understand people at all.

Bedsit Land

Signed the lease for my new place today. I have keys and everything...it's funny how last minute-ness can be exactly the thing you needed. So I have a bedsit, the only thing I have to share is the toilet (!). I think I can make the shabbieness of the place work for me, it's quiet big and I have a(n incongruous) fireplace and half a ceiling moulding.

Need to get a kettle, toaster and possibly a microwave...
Need to actually go and look at it again to get a clearer picture of what I can do with it.
It's just 6 months...but I need to find the essence of home

Goodnight,
Helen*

Ideal Woman and Home

Went shopping in Perth with my Mum and Dad. Spent a considerable time in Lakeland Plastics (my parents exclaiming loudly, 'Look at all these things you never knew you needed!').
This consumerism of home and all the things that families, or even just established adults are supposed to have to make their lives better...this is something I'm interested in, the things of home.

In Lakeland, they have a book by the Women's Institute all about Home and running a home...this is a valid area of research. Maybe I could contact a branch of the Women's institute and do some work with them?

Can I become an expert of home without actually having one?

I like things...I can't wait to have a house so I can keep my things in it. But is home just about things? Space, time, valuables, memories

*Idea: Is it enough to have a green front door. An emerald green glossed wooden front door with a brass letterbox and knocker in the space. Entrance possibilties. Reminds me of a snapshot of the Dutch surrealist women in the theatrical set at the NRLA last year. That was a comedy about things. Perhaps this is an idea that could workwell on film (live would be difficult because of capacity and sight lines)

*Idea: Think Matt's Into the New director's show. Space marked out like rooms in a house, Dogville style. Opportunity to have 2d/3d aesthetic. Kevin asked could I make the performance space my home and would I really want to. How contrived would it be to ask the audience to close their eyes while I describe the ideal/memory of a space?

Keep the customer satisfied

Home, where my thoughts escapin
Home, where my musics playin
Home, where my love lies waitin, silently for me.
And I wish I was homeward bound

Gee but it's great to be back home
Home is where I wana be
I've been on the road so long my friend

It's the same old story
Everywhere I go
I get slandered, libelled
I here words I never heard in the bible

And I'm so tired,
I'm oh so tired

Who knew two men from another time could pinpoint my feeling so well? And what is the point of making theatre if it can be written in words. What is my 3D aim? Where am I going with this? Thanks to Simon and Garfunkle, especially Simon, circa 1970.

So it's not the second anymore...

But Here is day 2's entry

Home Sweet Home
Home is where the heart is
God Bless this house

With the aid of ancient foolscap graph paper courtesy of my Dad (the archive/the spare oom) and my Ma's cross stitch books (family room) and prolific sewing kit (dresser/display sideboard in the living room), I plan, draw, redesign and begin sewing my Home Sweet Home sampler. It feels like a very homely thing to do and yet I have a sore back from sitting badly and peering over missed stitches. Nevertheless it's going well and there is pride in making just a little progress. It's good for problem solving mathmatics too.

Home/Dunfermline

Music: Daysleeper by R.E.M

Am going home today! Decided that I could not further my flat hunt and I want to have some time with my parents. They drove over from Dunfermline to pick me up. I'm going to tidy my room, evaluate my possesions, make the cross stitch and frame and phone Paddy and IKEA.

Can I make peace with Dunfermline

*Idea: Contact Ingrid about the IKEA idea, find out about home in Sweden, Webcam linkup? Some sort of examination of cross culture, Europeanness and homesickness.

Tata for now