It's important to document at this time I'm finding it hard to balance everything and have largely put my solo performance process aside as I grapple with my Winterschool tasks, arches proposal and the electro acoustic gig performance.
Without trying to justify that, I'm hoping that a little mental space is also a valid way of working. I think I'm definately worried about my showing at my hour long tutorial on Tuesday, and that my project is on my mind, especially subconsciously...I lay half awake for two hours on Wednesday night exploring ideas in a stream of conciousness style. I was flitting around the idea of installation, inspired by both Ernst Fischer and Hancock and Kelly. By the time I could really rest, I had settled on an installation idea for my garden shed, predominantly featuring the texts I don't want to clutter my show but a very important to process and might be very beautiful with a little editing.
I have set myself the Automatic writing task as a reaction to panicking about writing last year during the Garland process. I will start on 20 minutes a day, with different starting thoughts, and work up to 30 and 45 minutes in the coming weeks. I think I need to set up a formal space and time in which to do this to find rhythm and routine. I'm determined to examine this idea of routine and explore it untill I can find some sort of routine I can maintain (or at least explore untill I can rule routine out of my working practice).
In the circle of everything being connected, routine is something I rail against (naturally or subconciously?) and routine is very much part of stability and home. Perhaps this is why I need to move on, feel restless, haven't found this elusive quality of peace yet?
I have to go, spend at least four hours on my making task for my final day of Winter School now.
WS has been a circular distraction, an opportunity to unwind, feed different parts of my creative psyche, and yet it's part of my process so intertwined with my performance making. I have been able to let go of the worry that I'm wasting time at points. In some respects I have been the most focused and present in the now ever in my RSAMD career. I'm a bit more chilled out compared to last year, I know this week is for the greater good of my performance training and it has been really intresting and informative. I have taken real pleasure in some of the tasks. I very much like Andrew and Julia, their teaching style is relaxed and humane.
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