The work shines through

Ok, Friday had a technical tutorial and discussed lighting with Ian. This was nerve wracking but I think it's possible to create what I want. Both Ian and Katie are very amenable (after I spoke to Katie, she told me that she was under the impression that my show was sorted and that she wasn't worried about it in any way! This should have been encouraging, if only I believed in myself.

Saturday, I buy the paint and get the biscuit tin.

Sunday: Good amount of time in AG12, the door is fixed and I really get to grips with how I can move it and become more precise. I feel that the character elements are easier, more fluid and I can really jump in and out of them. I probably need to go even further with this though. Caroline's observation/question was, why does contemporary performance always employ very sloooooow speaking? I felt it was because the text was so deliberate, that every single word had been chosen for meaning, and so needed slow delivery in order to be absorbed by the spectator. However, I thought this also might add to the over serious persona Kate mentioned, that I can't seem to break out of. So I played around with the speed at which I delivered the texts, and considered when I want the persona to be conversational or all about the delivery.

Monday: TUTORIAL day: Was feeling very apprehensive about showing the work today...mainly because this is a more formalised structure, and the closest thing I have to the actual show. I'm still not sure it's any good. I talked to Kate about feeling confused with all the input from different people, and about the fact that I had no clear trajectory as I had for making Garland. I know I made this material but it doesn't feel like mine. I can't seem to back it, in the way that I did with Garland. (I took risks with the style in Garland and I was nervous about how it would be recieved but I essentially believed in it and thats how I came to give the performance of it 100% on the night.)
It was also really difficult to read Katie and Ian's reactions to it. They seemed to follow it, and laugh at certain points...they said they enjoyed it. Does this matter? Do I really want another critical opinion when I feel as though I'm swimming in them? Why do I need affirmation, when I don't believe it when it comes anyway?

Kate was very good today...key points She said she could see I had worked on it, she could see me grappling with what she had given me last week. We talked about taste, and whether she didn't like the singing bits as a taste thing (so I'll ask Robert for a tutorial next week in addition to Kate's to establish if it works for him)
Essentially the material is all valid, but now I need to play with delivery, find even more variance in mode, pace, intensity. I think this is something I will always need to work up to. As a person I appear pretty calm and balanced in my everyday life.
Kate mentioned one thing which I think is really valid. She feels the performance jumps between Actionist performance and heavily dramatic (with a big helping of sentimental over seriousness even still...I need to get rid of this or make more of it, send it up perhaps). She says she's confused by this. It sounds confusing...I feel like this is my twin personality thing and would ideally like to keep both elements in the show, perhaps just finding a way of transitioning between the two. Do I have to choose? Do I have to commit to one for this show, and see where it takes me, knowing that I can use the other one another time? Things to think about.

I know I need to talk to Robert, I'm slightly worried he is going to call me on loads of things I haven't considered, but this can do nothing but good for furthering the performance. It's better I look a little stupid in a one one one tutorial than in front of a full house at Tramway.

Onward, feeling a lot better, at least Kate knows I'm trying.