Just deleted most of my weekend catch up/theory of Home as a series of bad habits/Moonlight Mile sentiment and details of what I did in rehearsal today.
I'm as fed up as I was when I didn't do my blog on the weekend!
Catch up tomorrow - I need to go home
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This, to the best of my ability, is my journal of consequence for my Into the New performance project. A collection of thoughts, ideas, reminders and links to inspiration, it should be a daily chart of some element of my process to performance in March
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3 comments:
The strangest thing happened on the weekend. I was happy to go home to Fife, it feels really relevant to living between to different buildings, and I had been feeling lonely and a bit depressed on Friday night. But the minute I stepped over the threshhold of my parents house, I knew I had made a mistake. I had felt 'spaced' and reluctant to do anything in the flat that morning and being at 'home' was only going to magnify this innaction.
Because when I'm at home, I largely fail to do anything. I let my Ma wash my clothes and cook for me, I sit and talk and eat and drink alcohol and watch TV or sleep. A highlight of going home is going to Asda with my Dad or going on a trip to another city for some retail therapy (this is no joke-I really like going shopping with my Dad and I like how quiet weekends are with them). When I lived there I had big mood swings and i was looked after and worried about. What was bizarre about this weekend was that my frame of mind and behaviour exactly mirrored that of when I was 17. I was miserable, withdrawn, weepy, sensitive and just as lonely as ever.
Can the idea of Home or particular circumstances translate to bad habits and backsliding? How do I break these patterns of behaviour and be happier in a place with such mixed memories and strong emotions?
Moonlight Mile - 2001
A film with Jake Gyllenhall, Dustbin Hoffman and Susan Sarandon
A wonderful sentiment about Home being other than a house.
Sarandon's character is describing why she and her husband were married and still together after 31 years. She says something like:
I do four things before I go to sleep. I drop my robe, I put on my cotton shift, I lie down under the covers and I stick my cold ass out...cos thats the sign...no matter whats going on Ben will hold it, my cold ass. And thats home, thats coming home.
Basically, it was much better in Sarandon's delivery but basically the character is talking about a human commitment, an unspoken bond between partners is her notion of home.
Home as other than house has been a running theme in this process...but the idea of a partner has hardly been addressed. And yet, this featured in the final performance (Hi Honey I'm home sequence). The concept of peopling places has been important within this solo process...do I understand myself and my culture as myself or through other people, other ideas, other cultures?
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